How Many Men?

We need 3 men in our lives.

1. One to pay the bills.
2. One to kiss.
3. One to talk about the other two with.

I've always had 2 out of 3. Is that good enough? Is that all I will ever have?

10 Things You Should Never do on a Tour Bus

I recently took a trip to France and Italy. I rode on a tour bus from Nice to Florence to Rome. It was a lot of hours, and there were about 47 other people on the bus with me.

This lead to the list: 10 Things to Never do on a Tour Bus.

1. Fart:
It is as simple as that. These windows can't roll down, people! Hold it in.

2. Eat smelly cheese:
Again, these windows don't roll down, and your cheese often smells as bad as that guy's fart. Especially when you left it under the seat all day and it got all hot and squishy.

3. Be a backseat driver:
Your native Italian driver probably knows his way around Italy better than you do, even if it is your second time visiting the country.

4. Cough/Hack/Gargle:
It is a chain reaction. Yuck.

5. Talk about your divorce/sex life:
Also a chain reaction. Yuuuck.

6. Use an accent other than your own:
Like British, or Indian. It might be offensive to your tour guide of another nationality, or just silly.

7. Your hair, make-up, brush your teeth or anything else normally done in the bathroom:
There just isn't enough space! And maybe we don't want to see you without your face on.

8. Sing or dance:
Not unless it is a bus to Girl's Camp.

9. Be completely unaware of where you are:
Like thinking you can see the Swiss Alps even though you are standing in Southern France. And like telling everyone how amazing you thought Morocco was even though you just spent the afternoon in Monaco.

10. Mooch snacks off of other people:
Get your own!

A Celtics Family

Aren't we cute?

GO CELTS!

Get to Know Me

I am yellow.

This means (that the personal profile my work printed out for me is incredibly accurate):

-My home will be a haven for people to have a good time. (I hope this is true. I always want you over. Come over.)
-I constantly seek environments where people will appreciate me. (and get the hell out of environments where they don't).
-I am motivated by approval.
-I react unfavorably to indifference or rejection from others. (I take conflict & rejection very personally)
-a quote: "Kelsey has an uncanny skill for making life into an enjoyable performance, juggling many activities and people and usually enjoying the limelight." (I will admit, I do want your attention).
-and then... "She may become possessive of people in whom she has invested a lot of her emotional energy (so watch your back, bitches.)
-I may assume I can talk my way around anybody. (But can I really?)
- "Looking for perfection in a relationship can result in her sensing a vague dissatisfaction with the reality of the way things are." (How do they know me so well...?)

[Decision Making]
-"Kelsey will go to great lengths to ensure the preservation of relationships. She is likely to decide in favor of the solution that brings the highest level of approval from others. (But I've realized, its only the approval of people that I like that I care about... I should probably work on that).
-I may UNCONSCIOUSLY manipulate the process to get my own way. (Key word UNCONSCIOUSLY)
-"Her slogan might be 'Act now pay later'

[Possible Blind Spots]
-"Highly vulnerable to idealizing relationships, she tends to overlook facts that contradict what she wants to believe."  (For example, this one. I don't want to believe this. Boo.)
-"Kelsey would do well to take a step back and try to see a situation more objectively before reacting." (Okay, I'll do my best.)
-May be seen by others as shallow or superficial due in part to her glib way with words and her orientation with the future. (Love me, love me)

I just want you to love me.

A Child is a Curly Dimpled Lunatic. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm working at an elementary school in a 2nd grade classroom. Its a pseudo grown-up job because I'm not a real teacher and I am sans license, but I get to dress nicely and wear a nametag that says Ms. Hansen. But mostly it is hilarious. The kids are so weird. Sometimes I get blown away by the fact that these humans that I can have full on conversations with were born in 2003, meaning the weren't even alive for September 11th. That was an interesting experience watching the teacher try to explain that to them.

But all of this is beside the point. What I really wanted to document was the weird/funny/at times inappropriate things these kids say to me. Here is what I can remember:

• "I counted 14 Japanese girls at this school and I'm taking one out per day!" -little white 2nd grade boy
• "My Dad likes pink. He even WEARS pink." -cute 7 year old girl. "WHAT? Is your Dad even a boy?" -cute 7 year old boy.
• "I think I am going to puke at any second." -1st grader. "Why?" -Me. "Because my dad is marrying a skank this Saturday and she is in the lunch room right now!"
• "My ketchup is coming out brown with chunks." -funny boy. (He eats it anyway!)
• "What is your name again? You've been gone so long." -2nd grader in my class, to me, after I was in Denver for 2 days.
• While I was administering a reading test, in which the 2nd graders had to use the word I gave them in a sentence. The word was 'feeding' and one of the girls responses was: "I see my Mom feeding my brother with her nipple. Not a bottle."

Cowy's Beginnings

I haven't for sure decided what to do about Cowy. But I know he'll be back. For now, I will show you where Cowy came from. It all started in 7th grade at an Ice Cream shop in Park City, UT. Its called Cows. I bought a shirt from said shop that had an adorable cow with a lightning bolt scar and it read "Cowy Potter & the Goblet of Milk". My camera is dead or I would upload away. For now, you can get the idea from this shirt, also from Cows:

Cowy Potter is more or less lame than Dairy Potter?

So, thats just how it was. How I came to love Cowy Potter. I thought it was so hilarious as an 11 year old, and it became my email address and eventually this blog title. Cowy first began as a media blog, and I thought this title was fitting because Harry Potter directly or indirectly influences 80% of my life decisions. Now its kind of embarrassing, but it is what it is.

Best & Worst of BYU

If you are my friend and/or twitter follower, you know I am graduating later this week! BYU has been great, but I'm definitely excited to leave. Here is my top 5 best and worst things about Cougar Town. I'll start with the worst so we can end on a good note.

WORST:

5. Waiting for HOURS to register for classes.
I have literally spend probably 30-40 hours of my life registering for classes. These hours have been between midnight and 4am. Not fun, not easy and not quick. One of the worst things about BYU.

4. The Honor Code.

This makes my best AND worst list, which I know is a cliche thing to do on such lists. But really. I hate that boys have to leave my apartment at midnight, and can't come in my room even when my roommate is making out on the couch, and how men can't have facial hair. The facial hair thing ALMOST made its own number on this list. Its just stupid.

3. Pregnant Ladies.
I love babies, and pregnant ladies. Please don't get me wrong. But when I have to be partners with these ladies in classes and then they suddenly have their kid and they can't help with the project anymore, I get pissed. To make matters worse, the teachers are understanding! They are happy to pass along the pregnant ladies work to ME. Its happened more than once. If you get pregnant, you should quit school while you give birth.

2. Massive amounts of un(or mis)informed Republicans.
I don't know what I am. I voted for Obama, sure. But that's only because he's hot (just kidding). And I also know I hate Sarah Palin. I do not claim to know everything about politics, but one of the worst things at BYU is when people act like they do when all they know is that the Mormon thing to do is love Mitt Romney. This Republican mentality also leads to obnoxious, ignorant comments in classes (think immigration, welfare, and Obama's smoking habits).

1. Cleaning Checks.
Alright, it might be pathetic that this my number one. I agree. But cleaning checks really have been the death of me for the past 4 years. I am messy, but I like to believe I am not DIRTY (there is a big difference). However, I have had some nasty trash leave-used-q-tips-on-the-living-room-table roommates. And then I am asked to clean their nasty trash. I do not like that at all, thank you very much.

BEST:
5. The Honor Code.
Here it is again! I love the part of the Honor Code where I don't live with boys and my roommates don't drink or smoke or have sex (and if they do they are forced to hide it from me). That part is so fab. I truly believe that has enhanced my educational experience and I have managed to have some really great times and memories while mostly abiding by the Honor Code.

4. Being in Utah.
Yes, that is a best. I have to admit that Utah is gorgeous. And I also have to admit that it is thanks in large part to my new friend James that I now know this. Of course I had seen some things, but my scope was limited. Utah has a lot to offer nature wise, but another one of my favorite things is that it has an NBA team! An NBA team that isn't all that bad, either. For those of you who may enjoy skiing/snowboarding, we have that too. (I personally just enjoy Park City for the Sundance Film Festival and the shopping!)

campinggggg and Jazz v. Blazers

3. Cheap Tuition.
Amen. Less than $5,000 a year. I don't have debt, and that's all I have to say about that.

2. Proximity to Las Vegas.
I've taken 6trips to Vegas over 4 years (My parents may or may not know about all of these). Its a 6 hour drive, which is kind of long but really not too bad. And its VEGAS. Its always been fun. Its not always been problem-free, but I have very fond memories of all 6 trips and have left you photographic evidence.

Trip #1: February '07
We went to Elton John's concert, and blow-up boobs came down from the ceiling. Hollerrrr

Trip #2: November '07
We were obsessed with letter dancers. Don't forget our friend Dave came with us, but refused to dance in a letter.

Trip #3: April '08
Hotel Party! What up?

Trip #4 February '09
Preachers passed out big billz

Trip #5: January '10
Finally found the Vegas sign :)

Trip #6: July '10
The best we ever looked...

1. THE DORMS.
Anyone who didn't live in the dorms is seriously missing out, and I laugh when people actually think they were better off living off-campus. So foolish. I lived in the dorms my freshman year (DT- U Hall) AND I was an RA my senior year at Helaman Halls (Chipman Hall). Both experiences were really great, and have left me with lifelong friends. If you don't understand what the dorms are like, I'll try to help you out with my pictures, but your life will always be lacking. :)

This picture is from my very first event ever at BYU, Freshman Orientation. You will notice 3 of my best friends in the world are also in the picture. (Angela, Shannon & Jenny). We met after 3 days at BYU and have been friends ever since, and we all lived on the same floor in the dorms. It was an obvious blessing from God and obviously my #1 BEST at BYU.

My freshman roomie, Jess Gamez. Another BFFL. I know you hate this picture Jessy,
but I so love you and this has the DT windows behind us!

All my best friends from the dorms at the SLC temple.

Kanye's 'Chosen One'

Kanye West, who joined Twitter last week and already has 190 tweets and over 400,000 followers, chose to follow one lucky individual, 19-year-old Steve Holmes (@ste_101) of Coventry, England. "I just commented on something on Kanye West's account and next thing I know he's following me," Holmes told the Coventry Telegraph. "I was like, 'Oh my God!' But about 20 seconds later I had 20 messages from people I didn't even know and my phone wouldn't stop bleeping."

Steve's had 60 followers, but an hour after being 'chosen' by Kanye he had more than 1,000. Now, he has nearly 5,000. But it's been strange, he says.

"A guy wanted me to look at his film trailer and people have been sending me links to their music demos -- as if I have some sort of influence over Kanye West. The funny thing is I like his music but I'm not his biggest fan," Steve said.

Kanye kicked off Steve's 15 minutes of fame with the words: "You are the chosen one dun dun dun dun."

Kanye is weird. I personally couldn't handle following him on Twitter for more than a day before I gave up. Not only does he over-tweet, he often doesn't make sense.

If you aren't familiar with Kanye's launch into the Twittiverse, check out a recap here

New Life Motto

"It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection."

-Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

1 Woman, 2 Uteruses, 2 Babies, 2 Due Dates

Our fellow Utahn, Angie Cromar from Murray, who has TWO uteruses discovered that she is pregnant with TWO babies that have TWO different due dates. The condition is called a double pregnancy and is very rare. According to science, there have been less than 100 double pregnancies that have occurred in the world.

Cromar said that her first ultrasound ended in a huge surprise for both her and her doctor. Her doctor said that the babies have two separate due days which are about a week apart.

"I'm five weeks and four days in one, and six weeks and one day in the other," stated Cromar.

So how does one come to be pregnant in both of their uteruses?

Facebook Movie: The Social Network

“The Social Network,” directed by David Fincher, is a dramatic and comedic take on the founding of Facebook, starring Jesse Eisenberg as CEO Mark Zuckerberg and Andrew Garfield as Eduardo Saverin, who clashed with Zuckerberg after co-founding the company. Singer Justin Timberlake plays Napster founder Sean Parker, who became president of Facebook.

In theaters October 1, 2010.

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'People of Walmart' in Book Form

The People of Walmart is a photo collage of America at its most overweight, spandexed and ill-dressed while shopping at the mega retailer.

While the People of Walmart site does welcome photo submissions, it is clear in stating that those hopeful of having their photos accepted must "have secured all rights from all other persons who appear in the Submission." Another requirement is that any photo submissions cannot be "defamatory, libelous, abusive, threatening, racist, sexist, homophobic, vulgar, obscene, pornographic, offensive, indecent, or otherwise objectionable."

I think it is pretty safe to assume that for the vast majority of the photos, 1) the "model" has no idea their picture is being taken and 2) they ARE sexist, vulgar, distasteful, indecent, etc.

However, when you visit a WalMart or go online and access "People of WalMart," try to see it as a journey in amusement. The guy or gal with the beer-belly showing beneath the too-small t-shirt, sporting the plaid Bermuda shorts and the "My Other Baseball Cap Says "Rolls Royce" On It" cap, probably meant to dress that way when they left their house.

If you ever need to take the edge off your personal feelings of inferiority, the book form of the People of Walmart is sure to do the trick. The book comes out in September and promises "never before seen photos".

Follow Up: Anti-LeBron T-Shirts Suddenly Quite Popular

The Miami Heat has become the most hated team in America, and it might be this way for a long time. LeBron James turned from adored to abhorred overnight, apparently. Not only have James jersey burnings taken place, but LeBron hate merchandise is suddenly all over the internet. Here are some favorites:

LeBron's Big Decision

If you know anything about the NBA, you know that LeBron James has a big decision to make. Lets face it, people are going to be pissed no matter what he decides.

Cleveland? Miami? Oh LeBron, what will it be?

James will announce his decision on where he will sign tomorrow night live on ESPN in a one-hour special beginning at 9 p.m.

Here's what Cav's fans have to say about it:
"It's stuff like this that kind of makes you root for LeBron to never win a
championship. You are not bigger than the game. Just hold a normal
press confrence."

"If he stays, he'll own the city forever. If he goes, he's really a fool.
He has a chance to do something so special in C-town and be enshrined
forever as the greatest athlete ever to play here."

"However this turns out, the backlash against LeBron will be deafening.
If he stays in Cleveland, the rest of America will wonder what the devil
was all this for. If he leaves, Ohioans will feel betrayed. He has now
put himself in a no-win situation. I thought LeBron was smarter than
this."

I hate LeBron. But here's some more big news: He got a twitter account! Follow him @kingjames. His Bio? "King of Akron" GAG.

Not only that, but LeBron James is a trending topic on twitter. Here's a biased sampling for you:

Whitlock2Jason: "Did Jordan ever call himself "Air Jordan" or did he allow us 2 call him Air? LeBron calling himself King James is a joke. We created monster."

uzkhan1: "There are no Cleveland fans, just Lebron James fans. And those fans will hop on any wagon he rides!"

MrMichael_Smith: "If LeBron moves into Wade's house he should no longer be called King James. He should renounce his thrown, like Akeem in the subway in CTA."

Mike Posner: Speed of Sound

Mike Posner's 'Cooler Than Me' is fabulous and doing well on the charts, but I am obsessed with 'Speed of Sound'. This song is basically the story of my life right now.

"My ma keeps telling me
I better stay in school
But when that ends, Lord knows
I don't know what I'm going to do"

I'm graduating in August (JUST over a month away now) and I have no idea what to do. I may have gotten a job, but I don't know (how does that even happen??) and even if I did get it, the pay is crap.

"Cause everytime I blink now
Another day rolls by
It's getting harder not to think about
All the things on my mind"

Too true. The days are going by MUCH too fast. Summer, please slow down and last forever. When you are gone I have nothing. Not even a place to live.

"My friends keep telling me
How much they believe in me
I wish that I saw the things that they see in me"

Friends, keep tellin' me. I need it. Love you.

Mike: