Sunday, January 9, 2011

10 Things You Should Never do on a Tour Bus

I recently took a trip to France and Italy. I rode on a tour bus from Nice to Florence to Rome. It was a lot of hours, and there were about 47 other people on the bus with me.

This lead to the list: 10 Things to Never do on a Tour Bus.

1. Fart:
It is as simple as that. These windows can't roll down, people! Hold it in.

2. Eat smelly cheese:
Again, these windows don't roll down, and your cheese often smells as bad as that guy's fart. Especially when you left it under the seat all day and it got all hot and squishy.

3. Be a backseat driver:
Your native Italian driver probably knows his way around Italy better than you do, even if it is your second time visiting the country.

4. Cough/Hack/Gargle:
It is a chain reaction. Yuck.

5. Talk about your divorce/sex life:
Also a chain reaction. Yuuuck.

6. Use an accent other than your own:
Like British, or Indian. It might be offensive to your tour guide of another nationality, or just silly.

7. Your hair, make-up, brush your teeth or anything else normally done in the bathroom:
There just isn't enough space! And maybe we don't want to see you without your face on.

8. Sing or dance:
Not unless it is a bus to Girl's Camp.

9. Be completely unaware of where you are:
Like thinking you can see the Swiss Alps even though you are standing in Southern France. And like telling everyone how amazing you thought Morocco was even though you just spent the afternoon in Monaco.

10. Mooch snacks off of other people:
Get your own!