Wednesday, July 25, 2012

West Coast? Best Coast: Part 2, Where Can I Actually Find the Happiest Place on Earth?

Let's just say I didn't realize how much I loved California until I left it.
Put your stunna shades on

But anyway, our travels began in Long Beach. I had only actually SWAM in the ocean once before in my entire life (this means I had my actual bathing suit on my body and more than just my ankles got wet). With Jess and Kori, I met Cait, Alex and Obi at the beach, splashed around, saw the sunset, and were so freakin' pleased.

First night at the beach with Kori
Redondo Beach
I had booked a hotel somewhere near-ish the wedding venue, and as we were driving down the street I was having a mini anxiety attack because the hotels that we were passing were SO sketch. Luckily, the El Dorado Coast Hotel wasn't terrible, even if I did have to collect my room key from behind a plexi-glass window as if I was at the movie theater or the bank. (Why DO they have those at movie theaters anyway?) I stayed there with Hunter and Kori, and it was a blast. The three of us have taken trips together before, and it's always outrageously fun. (You should be jealous).  Saturday before the wedding we made our way BACK to Long Beach with some of Kori's friends, where we met Cait and Alex again, and even saw the elusive Ben Hogen for a minute! It is seriously so great to be on vacation but surrounded by your closest friends, especially in such a beautiful place. Sunday we tried Redondo Beach, which was even more beautiful (if that's possible). The one complaint I have about the beach is the SAND. I hate it! I'm used to rocky beaches, and for all you rocky beach haters out there, let me assure you that you never have to dig sand out of your butt after a day at the beach in Washington. Kori, Hunter and I didn't even have the luxury of a place to get the sand off that day, so we shopped and ate while our butts were like sandpaper- soooo not pleasant.
Hunty, our tour guide

Disney lovers, for the moment
After we dropped Hunter off at Long Beach Airport (which looks like it came straight out of the 1960's), Kori and I got some much needed rest and prepped to go to...DISNEYLAND!! Disneyland started out happily enough- we went to the brand spankin' new Cars Land in California Adventure and had pretty good luck getting on rides in a reasonable amount of time. But about that whole "happiest place on earth" thing? It's not that I don't love Disney, and it's not even that I don't love rides (I actually discovered that roller coasters are one of my truest loves), it's just that there are 5 bazillion people around you, it's hot, it's expensive, and waiting in lines isn't fun. The day WAS going really well however, until we had the terrible idea to meet Mickey Mouse. He has his own house in Toon Town or wherever, and the sign in from of the seemingly tiny house said the wait was 10 minutes. 10 minutes you say??
Cars Land was the best thing ever
Yes, we will wait 10 minutes for an adorable photo of ourselves with this beloved mouse. These 10 minutes turned into 70 minutes, and Mickey continued lying to us. "I'll be waiting for you in the back yard", he lies. Save yourself this nonsense and go to a character breakfast. After the Mickey mess, we went to ride Indiana Jones. And it was pretty fun. But as soon as we got out, I realized I HAD LOST MY IPHONE ON THE RIDE. At this moment, Disneyland grew dark, dementors swarmed in to give me the kiss of death, and the happiest place on earth was officially my own personal hell. Luckily I knew where it was- it was on Indiana Jones! What I didn't know is if it had been stolen, run over by those damn jeeps, or been tossed into a pile of dirt. At midnight, when the park closed, I went to check on my baby. It hadn't been found. I went home. I called back the next morning. Nothing. BUT THEN, around 9:30 AM, the dear lost and found woman (who I had cried hysterically to an hour and a half earlier) called and told me my phone had been found and was waiting for me!!!! I felt nothing but gratitude for the Disneyland maintenance man who had walked the track of the Indiana Jones ride in search of my phone. So Disneyland might not be the happiest place on earth, but at least it isn't the UNhappiest.
Jessy Poo and I at Long Beach

10 Places Happier Than Disneyland:

10. The Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC
9. Red Robin
8. River Front Park in Spokane, Wash.
7. The Energy Solutions Arena (specifically when the Celtics are playing)
6. The Louvre
5. Adam and Jesse's wedding
4. Any beach in the world
3. Britney Spears concert
2. The airport when Elder Hansen came home from his mission
Some of my nearest and dearest
1. The Cabin when it is filled with my nearest and dearest

All in all, California was awesome! I wish I could do it all over again. <3

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

West Coast? Best Coast: Part 1, I Adore Adam and Jesse

I have just completed a month long vacation-a-thon. No, I did not have the money to do this. But I did it anyway. My story begins in California...


The handsome groomies and I, after getting really sweaty at the reception. STILL CUTE. 

 Before this, I had only been to the Golden State once. It was for my cousin's wedding when I was 15, and since my memory is really bad I barely remember it. What I do remember is my Mom FREAKING out about California drivers, California freeways, California rush hour traffic, etc. You get the idea. Since I am a woman, anxiety-free driving isn't one of my strong points. But off i went, with Kori and Jess in tow, to drive to Los Angeles for one big, huge, exciting reason: JESSE AND ADAM'S WEDDING! There were other mini reasons for going, but this was the one I was most looking forward to.

The BYU crowd who came to the wedding. Also my best friends: Ben, Hunter (best man), Alex and Cait. 

The STUNNING view from Wayfarer's Chapel, where the wedding was held.
I met Adam and Jesse through my bff Hunter, when they were roommates in the infamous Pool House. I have yet to find two people more deserving of love and happiness. These guys always made me feel loved and important and were extremely hospitable. Needless to say, I adore them. The wedding was absolutely beautiful- perfect location, perfect weather, perfect people. I was so grateful to be there, surrounded by some of my dearest friends, celebrating their marriage. Not only did I get to see Jesse and Adam, but Cait and Alex also made it down, Hunter flew out from New York, and Ben came from Phoenix, AND I got to see the ever-charming Cary Crall. Some of the loveliest people in the whole world, all together in Southern California. I was so happy. Every day I'm so grateful I have the friends that I do, the kind that are hilarious and fun and accepting and supportive of one another. And also SO darn attractive. How did I get so lucky? Aside from the fabulous wedding, I also got to go to the beach, and to Disneyland, and spend time with more lovely friends. But more about that later. 

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I'm Not a Psychopath, I'm a Woman

Flying from Salt Lake to Phoenix in order to eventually get to Spokane is annoying, and it takes a long time. During this time I was able to read 'White Girl Problems' and 'The Female Brain'. In different ways, these 2 books helped me to see that no, I'm not a complete psychopath, I'm just a woman. Let's start with Babe Walker, who I'm still not sure is a real person. Either way, I can relate to her in some horrifying ways.

We'll start with a shopping addiction. Babe spends some $200,000 in a day at Barney's. I only spent like $120 at Target, but if we compared bank accounts, percent spent is likely dangerously similar. Now, Babe and I shop for the same reasons. It is peaceful and calming and helps us get over a bad day. Let's jump over to 'The Female Brain', which tells us that a woman's brain is so deeply affected by hormones that they can create a sort of alternate reality, dictating what is important. The scary thing is, that reality can change from day to day. So, somedays its important for me to get a good job, or to work at a relationship, but some days my hormones are like-YOU LITERALLY NEED TO SHOP RIGHT NOW AND THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Whoa, hormones.

 If we go back and look at those work on relationships days, those happen to me like, a lot. Babe, a true woman, is always super concerned with what other people think. I'm the same, but not quite so extreme that I start jogging on the freeway to my therapist's office because my bff/maid called me fat. Almost, but not quite. Here is the real deal-baby girls are born interested in emotional expression. From these cues they determine whether they are worthy, lovable or annoying. If a baby girl sees an emotionless face (think of a mime, or a mother suffering from post-partum depression), she interprets this as a signal that she is doing something wrong.

Fast forward to a 23-year-old Kelsey Hansen and you will see these cues still in effect. When I am having an especially hormonal, relationship-oriented day, and someone I love shows me an emotionless face, I just cannot deal. Remember, this is how my FEMALE BRAIN is telling me to act. Maintaining the relationship at all costs is the female brain's goal. I often sit around, dwelling on my future and getting emotional thinking about relationships that are falling apart or destined to end, or just plain not going how I think they should. 

For a woman, when a relationship is threatened or lost, the stress hormone takes over. A woman starts feeling anxious and fearful of being rejected and left alone. Soon she longs for a feeling of closeness, which is boosted by social contact. The minute that social contact is gone, she is in emotional trouble. The irony is, its times like these that people (mostly men) are most likely to be like, "NOPE, NOT HAPPENIN'. You are wayyy to hormonal to be around right now." Well, damn.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Why You Should Help The Homeless

I'm not a saint. I don't volunteer very often, or ever unless it's for a class. But I decided my very small contribution to society would be through a box of granola bars. I bought a box and kept them in my car and would offer them to the homeless who held cardboard signs on the side of the road. It's the least I could do, and I never have cash. Besides, we always hear the "they are probably buying drugs or alcohol with that money" excuse. A granola bar CANNOT be used to buy drugs, to my knowledge.

Anyway, whatever. The other day I went to the Barnes and Noble and there was a man on the corner of the parking lot. Down to my last 2 granola bars, I parked my car and walked up to him. I offered him a bar, and he took it and cheerfully thanked me. From this little interaction, I could tell he was mentally handicapped, and my heart went out to him. I gave him the 2nd bar. Then, I went into the cafe and started working on a book review I had overdue. About 20 minutes later, I am absorbed in my review and I hear the mans voice, literally screaming, "IT'S YOU AGAIN. YOU'RE MY GIRL. MY NICE GIRL." Everyone in the cafe is frozen and probably terrified as the man walks up to me and pats my head 3 times. He then screams "YOU ARE MY NICE GIRL" again and walks out.

I was so completely happy. Help the homeless, for so many reasons. 

Why I Am Ridiculous

I've always loved personality tests both for myself and my friends. There is nothing more thrilling to me than a test being able to pinpoint exactly who I am, what I believe and what animal I am most like. I love saying "I am SUCH a _____" and happily encourage friends to find out what they are, too. What I love most is how unique I am and strangely, I love my flaws.

One personality test I took tonight told me that I don't really think of my flaws as problem areas, but instead as quirks that make me who I am. I am more likely to think I am flawed if people don't accept me. That second part isn't a very good thing, but I found the first part interesting. Based on my personality tests, I really do enjoy reading about my flaws. I'm not embarrassed about who I am. What I AM embarrassed about is how messy my room is, how oily my hair is and how infrequently I hit up the gym. But these things aren't really what is in my core (I hope)... So here is my positive spin on flaws:

As the test likes to phrase it, "Kelsey's possible weaknesses":

-May do what is pleasant rather than what is necessary. Now, don't get me wrong, I could work on this. This is probably why I am fat, greasy and have a messy room. It just isn't pleasant to work out or clean it. However, I do think I am good at finding the pleasant things in life and immersing myself in them. I don't think I'm cranky too often (except those 5 days out of the month...) and maybe its because I do things that are pleasant rather than necessary.

-May exaggerate the significance of the event.  Anyone who has ever been around me when I felt made fun of, or betrayed, or even like someone I love wasn't listening to me, knows that I might be a bit dramatic and might tend to exaggerate. Pretty much everything anyone says or does has significance to me, and I have somewhat of an overdramatic personality. BUT I hope anyone nodding their head right now can also appreciate how much I remember about your lives, and how I exaggerate the significance of events like your birthday, bridal shower or trip in to town. I like to think I make people feel special. If I don't make you feel that way, just know I intend to. I remember your birthdays, and I will throw you a party for pretty much any reason. I'm dramatic and (sometimes) you love it!

-She may become possessive of people in whom she has invested a lot of her emotional energy. #LOL, right? This is the truest of truths. But I hope you don't have to think too hard to see the positive side of this one. I LOVE YOU. I am totally, completely, 100% willing to invest my emotional energy in you. I will do anything you need me to, and be happy to do it. The only downside is that I expect you to stick around. Bummer, I know.

I hope I don't come across as "tooting my own horn", as my mother would say. I decided I need to be more positive, and I can also appreciate that as I work to see the positive in these personality flaws, they become blessings instead of burdens.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Diary of an Ungrateful Bitch

I have so many flaws. I am super needy, don't go to the gym very often, yell at kids on occasion and go to bed without washing my face (and then complain about zits....). But I guess most of those things can be forgiven. Lately I've been feeling super lonely and depressed. It's not all the time, so I don't think I need medication or anything, but it still sucks. I'll have a fun weekend surrounded by my friends, and then Monday rolls around and I feel so alone, like I have nothing fun to do, like no one wants to hang out with me...blah, blah, blah. What I'm realizing is I have one HUGE, GLARING FLAW that needs to be fixed. Why am I such an ungrateful bitch? My desire for a relationship is so huge that it is consuming my life. I think about it way too much. Maybe its true what they say--you won't find love until you stop looking. Either way, I have so many other wonderful opportunities, people and things (yes, material goods) in my life that I need to be more grateful for.

I'll start with my relationships. I might not have a boyfriend, but I have lovely, supportive and hilarious friends. There is so much to be said for having people in your life who are there for you no matter what, and who you want to be there for, too. I know I really love someone when I will travel around Salt Lake City on foot trying to figure out a way to get them into their locked car for free. Or when you let them plus their smelly dog sleep in your bedroom while you sleep on the couch. Whatever I'm doing is fine because I enjoy their company more than anything.

How grateful I am to have been blessed with great friends. As an extravert, I thrive on the company of others and that is how I am happy. Thank you friends who put up with that extremely needy part of me, and who are with me all the time. I'm always shocked at how little time it takes for me to feel lonely. It's seriously like 40 minutes, but I'm working on extending it. My dear friend Hunter is so dear to me for many reasons, but most of all because he encourages me to be happy. It's so important to have friends that always tell you to do what makes you happy (after they listen to you bitch and complain). On the other hand, I know I have a best friend in Cait because she hates who I hate and loves who I love. She is on my team 100% of the time, and that is a true friend, too.

Family is good, too. My Dad called ME the other night and we talked for 8 minutes. Can't tell you how monumental that was. My Mom is my best friend (shit girls say) and we talk most days. Thank the Lord for my parents. My sister is 1000% crazy, but she is there for me, too. She even embarked on said trek around Salt Lake City in search of a Toyota dealership after giving her best effort to help break in to the car. <3 our little Jimmy Rigger. And my brother, I can only say good things about. Missionary, angel, do-gooder to the max.

Things! All the things! I have a LOT of shit you guys. Dresser, closet, CLOTHES HUT full of clothes. My macbook (my baby), car, etc. I love it. Life would suck without it. I might be dirt poor, but I have assets. And parents who have money. There is a lot to be said for that....

This brings me to my last and most exciting point. I recently found out that I am going to be a real live teacher next fall! Sometimes I forget or more often, I think it isn't real. BUT YOU GUYS-- IT IS REAL! I had another meeting just today about it. I'm so happy. I can't even find words to tell you how happy I am (shit girls say). But it's like finally it all makes sense. For the past year and a half I have been wondering what the point of my life is and why I am still in Utah and why I make no money. I was in the middle of applying to grad school (btw, I got in) when I got this job offer. I am going to be starting my career in 6 months! That is so much sooner than I ever expected. I love love love my job. It's hard for me to imagine anyone loving their job as much as I love mine. And it will only get better when I get to make my own rules and rule the roost in my own classroom. Even though it is in Utah.

So why the hell am I complaining and why the hell do I think life is so hard? Yes, I am sick to freaking death of being single. And yes, I will probably be lonely in 40 minutes. But I'm blessed. And I'm going to try and be more of a grateful bitch from now on.

By the way, my classroom theme is going to involve birds (!) and I am accepting donations for my classroom library. :)

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Friend vs. Fag Hag

Fag Hag: A fag hag is generally thought to be either an ugly woman who cannot attract a straight man or a woman who is in love with gay men. Fag hags aren't portrayed on as being equal to their gay friend; it's more like they are their fans or sidekicks.

Friend: a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

Even though I might have loved gay men in the past, and I find it difficult to attract a straight man, I still have hope. I do see it as a blessing that I have several dear gay friends, but I definitely didn't seek out this lifestyle for myself. It just happened to me!

I didn't write this, but I know how she feels:  Not all women who have gay friends are fag hags.
When my friend called me his fag hag, I was highly offended. I don't prefer the company of gay men. I'm not a fag hag. And I don't appreciate being called that. We're supposed to be friends, equal friends. I'm no one's sidekick. He seemed disappointed when I told him this, which only made me angrier.
Why are gays disappointed to have a straight female friend?

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Cinderella Ate My Daughter! aka Your Daughter Needs to be Parented

Peggy Orenstein is no stranger to writing about girls and women’s issues. In her latest book, “Cinderella Ate My Daugher: Dispatches From the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture” Orenstein sympathizes with parents of daughters who love pink and princesses.

As a mother of one daughter, Daisy, Orenstein asks and answers her own questions throughout the book. Her approach involves arguing with herself, questioning her own theories and having second thoughts about the answers. Parents may find themselves unable to discover what Orenstein really believes, but her self-interrogation offers a fresh perspective on the extensively analyzed subject of gender. Even after years of studying women’s issues, Orenstein shows that being a parent is quite different than being a scholar as she struggles with how to appropriately raise her own daughter in today’s girlie-girl society.

Orenstein discusses her struggle to raise Daisy to be happy and self-confident in the face of the pink, princessy girlie-girls who seem to rule the world. As we walk through the toy aisle, it takes very little effort to determine which toys are meant for girls. The color palette of girls toys is narrow; mostly pink, with some purple and turquoise accents. Orenstein takes us on a tour of the princess industrial complex, that isn‘t as innocent as its products lead us to believe it is.

She describes a toy fair, held at the Javits Center in New York, at which the merchandise for girls seems to come in only one color: pink. Pink jewelry boxes, pink vanity mirrors, pink telephones, pink hair dryers.

“Is all this pink really necessary?” Orenstein finally asks a sales rep. “Only if you want to make money,” he replies.

Girls seem to be attracted to pink princess toys (and bedspreads, and toothbrushes, and notebooks) from the time they can walk and talk, but why?

Orenstein says mass marketing is to blame. Disney alone has 26,000 Disney princess items on the market today, part of a $4 billion-a-year franchise that is the fastest-growing brand the company has ever created. And it’s a relatively new franchise as well. In 2000, a Disney executive named Andy Mooney went to check out a “Disney on Ice” show and found himself “surrounded by little girls in princess costumes. Princess costumes that were — horrors! — homemade. How had such a massive branding opportunity been overlooked? The very next day he called together his team and they began working on what would become known in-house as ‘Princess.’ ” Mooney’s simple idea yielded billions of dollars for Disney.

Another possible explanation for the girlie-girl phase is rooted in developmental psychology research. Orenstein finds that until as late as age 7, children are convinced that external signs — clothing, hairstyle, favorite color, choice of toys — determine one’s sex.

“It makes sense, then, that to ensure you will stay the sex you were born you’d adhere rigidly to the rules as you see them and hope for the best,” she writes. “That’s why 4-year-olds, who are in what is called ‘the inflexible stage,’ become the self-­appointed chiefs of the gender police. Suddenly the magnetic lure of the Disney Princesses became more clear to me: developmentally speaking, they were genius, dovetailing with the precise moment that girls need to prove they are girls, when they will latch on to the most exaggerated images their culture offers in order to stridently shore up their femininity.”

For a preschool girl, is a Cinderella dress nothing less than proof to her classmates that she was born, and remains, female?

Throughout the book, the reader might find themselves wondering if Orenstein is for or against the princesses.

“It’s not that princesses can’t expand girls’ imaginations,” Orenstein explains. “But in today’s culture, princess starts to turn into something else. It’s not just being the fairest of them all, it’s being the hottest of them all, the most Paris Hilton of them all, the most Kim Kardashian of them all.”

Is today’s princess going to be sexting boys pictures of her naked self in the 9th grade? Definitely something for parents to think about. When it comes to raising girls, today’s moms have plenty to worry about: self-image, depression, eating disorders, and, of course, a culture that teaches women that their worth is as much about their beauty as it is about the intellect. It is generally our daughters, not our sons, that struggle most with early sexualization and attacks of the “mean girl.” Orenstein presents the conundrum of girls having to choose between being “for the boys” or being “one of the boys.” As parents, how do we decide the best option?

Orenstein says, “I refuse to believe parents are helpless. We can provide alternatives, especially in the critical early years when children’s brains are most malleable: choices that appeal to their desire to be girls yet reflect parents’ values, worldview, and dreams for them.”

Monday, March 21, 2011

How Many Men?

We need 3 men in our lives.

1. One to pay the bills.
2. One to kiss.
3. One to talk about the other two with.

I've always had 2 out of 3. Is that good enough? Is that all I will ever have?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

10 Things You Should Never do on a Tour Bus

I recently took a trip to France and Italy. I rode on a tour bus from Nice to Florence to Rome. It was a lot of hours, and there were about 47 other people on the bus with me.

This lead to the list: 10 Things to Never do on a Tour Bus.

1. Fart:
It is as simple as that. These windows can't roll down, people! Hold it in.

2. Eat smelly cheese:
Again, these windows don't roll down, and your cheese often smells as bad as that guy's fart. Especially when you left it under the seat all day and it got all hot and squishy.

3. Be a backseat driver:
Your native Italian driver probably knows his way around Italy better than you do, even if it is your second time visiting the country.

4. Cough/Hack/Gargle:
It is a chain reaction. Yuck.

5. Talk about your divorce/sex life:
Also a chain reaction. Yuuuck.

6. Use an accent other than your own:
Like British, or Indian. It might be offensive to your tour guide of another nationality, or just silly.

7. Your hair, make-up, brush your teeth or anything else normally done in the bathroom:
There just isn't enough space! And maybe we don't want to see you without your face on.

8. Sing or dance:
Not unless it is a bus to Girl's Camp.

9. Be completely unaware of where you are:
Like thinking you can see the Swiss Alps even though you are standing in Southern France. And like telling everyone how amazing you thought Morocco was even though you just spent the afternoon in Monaco.

10. Mooch snacks off of other people:
Get your own!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

A Celtics Family

Aren't we cute?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Get to Know Me

I am yellow.

This means (that the personal profile my work printed out for me is incredibly accurate):

-My home will be a haven for people to have a good time. (I hope this is true. I always want you over. Come over.)
-I constantly seek environments where people will appreciate me. (and get the hell out of environments where they don't).
-I am motivated by approval.
-I react unfavorably to indifference or rejection from others. (I take conflict & rejection very personally)
-a quote: "Kelsey has an uncanny skill for making life into an enjoyable performance, juggling many activities and people and usually enjoying the limelight." (I will admit, I do want your attention).
-and then... "She may become possessive of people in whom she has invested a lot of her emotional energy (so watch your back, bitches.)
-I may assume I can talk my way around anybody. (But can I really?)
- "Looking for perfection in a relationship can result in her sensing a vague dissatisfaction with the reality of the way things are." (How do they know me so well...?)

[Decision Making]
-"Kelsey will go to great lengths to ensure the preservation of relationships. She is likely to decide in favor of the solution that brings the highest level of approval from others. (But I've realized, its only the approval of people that I like that I care about... I should probably work on that).
-I may UNCONSCIOUSLY manipulate the process to get my own way. (Key word UNCONSCIOUSLY)
-"Her slogan might be 'Act now pay later'

[Possible Blind Spots]
-"Highly vulnerable to idealizing relationships, she tends to overlook facts that contradict what she wants to believe."  (For example, this one. I don't want to believe this. Boo.)
-"Kelsey would do well to take a step back and try to see a situation more objectively before reacting." (Okay, I'll do my best.)
-May be seen by others as shallow or superficial due in part to her glib way with words and her orientation with the future. (Love me, love me)

I just want you to love me.

Monday, September 20, 2010

A Child is a Curly Dimpled Lunatic. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm working at an elementary school in a 2nd grade classroom. Its a pseudo grown-up job because I'm not a real teacher and I am sans license, but I get to dress nicely and wear a nametag that says Ms. Hansen. But mostly it is hilarious. The kids are so weird. Sometimes I get blown away by the fact that these humans that I can have full on conversations with were born in 2003, meaning the weren't even alive for September 11th. That was an interesting experience watching the teacher try to explain that to them.

But all of this is beside the point. What I really wanted to document was the weird/funny/at times inappropriate things these kids say to me. Here is what I can remember:

  • "I counted 14 Japanese girls at this school and I'm taking one out per day!" -little white 2nd grade boy
  • "My Dad likes pink. He even WEARS pink." -cute 7 year old girl. "WHAT? Is your Dad even a boy?" -cute 7 year old boy.
  • "I think I am going to puke at any second." -1st grader. "Why?" -Me. "Because my dad is marrying a skank this Saturday and she is in the lunch room right now!"
  • "My ketchup is coming out brown with chunks." -funny boy. (He eats it anyway!)
  • "What is your name again? You've been gone so long." -2nd grader in my class, to me, after I was in Denver for 2 days.
  • While I was administering a reading test, in which the 2nd graders had to use the word I gave them in a sentence. The word was 'feeding' and one of the girls responses was: "I see my Mom feeding my brother with her nipple. Not a bottle."

Friday, September 17, 2010

Cowy's Beginnings

I haven't for sure decided what to do about Cowy. But I know he'll be back. For now, I will show you where Cowy came from. It all started in 7th grade at an Ice Cream shop in Park City, UT. Its called Cows. I bought a shirt from said shop that had an adorable cow with a lightning bolt scar and it read "Cowy Potter & the Goblet of Milk". My camera is dead or I would upload away. For now, you can get the idea from this shirt, also from Cows:
Cowy Potter is more or less lame than Dairy Potter?
So, thats just how it was. How I came to love Cowy Potter. I thought it was so hilarious as an 11 year old, and it became my email address and eventually this blog title. Cowy first began as a media blog, and I thought this title was fitting because Harry Potter directly or indirectly influences 80% of my life decisions. Now its kind of embarrassing, but it is what it is.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Best & Worst of BYU

If you are my friend and/or twitter follower, you know I am graduating later this week! BYU has been great, but I'm definitely excited to leave. Here is my top 5 best and worst things about Cougar Town. I'll start with the worst so we can end on a good note.


5. Waiting for HOURS to register for classes.
I have literally spend probably 30-40 hours of my life registering for classes. These hours have been between midnight and 4am. Not fun, not easy and not quick. One of the worst things about BYU.

4. The Honor Code.
This makes my best AND worst list, which I know is a cliche thing to do on such lists. But really. I hate that boys have to leave my apartment at midnight, and can't come in my room even when my roommate is making out on the couch, and how men can't have facial hair. The facial hair thing ALMOST made its own number on this list. Its just stupid.

3. Pregnant Ladies.
I love babies, and pregnant ladies. Please don't get me wrong. But when I have to be partners with these ladies in classes and then they suddenly have their kid and they can't help with the project anymore, I get pissed. To make matters worse, the teachers are understanding! They are happy to pass along the pregnant ladies work to ME. Its happened more than once. If you get pregnant, you should quit school while you give birth.

2. Massive amounts of un(or mis)informed Republicans.
I don't know what I am. I voted for Obama, sure. But that's only because he's hot (just kidding). And I also know I hate Sarah Palin. I do not claim to know everything about politics, but one of the worst things at BYU is when people act like they do when all they know is that the Mormon thing to do is love Mitt Romney. This Republican mentality also leads to obnoxious, ignorant comments in classes (think immigration, welfare, and Obama's smoking habits).

1. Cleaning Checks.
Alright, it might be pathetic that this my number one. I agree. But cleaning checks really have been the death of me for the past 4 years. I am messy, but I like to believe I am not DIRTY (there is a big difference). However, I have had some nasty trash leave-used-q-tips-on-the-living-room-table roommates. And then I am asked to clean their nasty trash. I do not like that at all, thank you very much.

5. The Honor Code.
Here it is again! I love the part of the Honor Code where I don't live with boys and my roommates don't drink or smoke or have sex (and if they do they are forced to hide it from me). That part is so fab. I truly believe that has enhanced my educational experience and I have managed to have some really great times and memories while mostly abiding by the Honor Code.

4. Being in Utah.
Yes, that is a best. I have to admit that Utah is gorgeous. And I also have to admit that it is thanks in large part to my new friend James that I now know this. Of course I had seen some things, but my scope was limited. Utah has a lot to offer nature wise, but another one of my favorite things is that it has an NBA team! An NBA team that isn't all that bad, either. For those of you who may enjoy skiing/snowboarding, we have that too. (I personally just enjoy Park City for the Sundance Film Festival and the shopping!)

campinggggg and Jazz v. Blazers

3. Cheap Tuition.
Amen. Less than $5,000 a year. I don't have debt, and that's all I have to say about that.

2. Proximity to Las Vegas.
I've taken 6trips to Vegas over 4 years (My parents may or may not know about all of these). Its a 6 hour drive, which is kind of long but really not too bad. And its VEGAS. Its always been fun. Its not always been problem-free, but I have very fond memories of all 6 trips and have left you photographic evidence.

Trip #1: February '07
We went to Elton John's concert, and blow-up boobs came down from the ceiling. Hollerrrr

Trip #2: November '07
We were obsessed with letter dancers. Don't forget our friend Dave came with us, but refused to dance in a letter.
Trip #3: April '08
Hotel Party! What up?
Trip #4 February '09
Preachers passed out big billz
Trip #5: January '10
Finally found the Vegas sign :)
Trip #6: July '10
The best we ever looked...

Anyone who didn't live in the dorms is seriously missing out, and I laugh when people actually think they were better off living off-campus. So foolish. I lived in the dorms my freshman year (DT- U Hall) AND I was an RA my senior year at Helaman Halls (Chipman Hall). Both experiences were really great, and have left me with lifelong friends. If you don't understand what the dorms are like, I'll try to help you out with my pictures, but your life will always be lacking. :)

This picture is from my very first event ever at BYU, Freshman Orientation. You will notice 3 of my best friends in the world are also in the picture. (Angela, Shannon & Jenny). We met after 3 days at BYU and have been friends ever since, and we all lived on the same floor in the dorms. It was an obvious blessing from God and obviously my #1 BEST at BYU.

My freshman roomie, Jess Gamez. Another BFFL. I know you hate this picture Jessy,
but I so love you and this has the DT windows behind us!
All my best friends from the dorms at the SLC temple.