Monday, September 20, 2010

A Child is a Curly Dimpled Lunatic. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm working at an elementary school in a 2nd grade classroom. Its a pseudo grown-up job because I'm not a real teacher and I am sans license, but I get to dress nicely and wear a nametag that says Ms. Hansen. But mostly it is hilarious. The kids are so weird. Sometimes I get blown away by the fact that these humans that I can have full on conversations with were born in 2003, meaning the weren't even alive for September 11th. That was an interesting experience watching the teacher try to explain that to them.

But all of this is beside the point. What I really wanted to document was the weird/funny/at times inappropriate things these kids say to me. Here is what I can remember:

  • "I counted 14 Japanese girls at this school and I'm taking one out per day!" -little white 2nd grade boy
  • "My Dad likes pink. He even WEARS pink." -cute 7 year old girl. "WHAT? Is your Dad even a boy?" -cute 7 year old boy.
  • "I think I am going to puke at any second." -1st grader. "Why?" -Me. "Because my dad is marrying a skank this Saturday and she is in the lunch room right now!"
  • "My ketchup is coming out brown with chunks." -funny boy. (He eats it anyway!)
  • "What is your name again? You've been gone so long." -2nd grader in my class, to me, after I was in Denver for 2 days.
  • While I was administering a reading test, in which the 2nd graders had to use the word I gave them in a sentence. The word was 'feeding' and one of the girls responses was: "I see my Mom feeding my brother with her nipple. Not a bottle."